Post by Ringside Junkie on Aug 1, 2005 14:45:11 GMT -5
NEW WWE SHOCKER!
CEO TO NAME YODA HEAD OF SECURITY
McMahon refuses to change his mind even after learning Yoda isn't real
By ALFONSO PITELLI
IN a bombshell revelation that shocked even his closest Sports-Entertainment supporters, WWE CEO Vince McMahon, announced that his new Head of Security would be Yoda, the famed Jedi master from the Star Wars films.
Pro-Wrestling insiders reveal that McMahon got the idea after watching the new Stars Wars DVD set he said Santa gave him for Christmas.
"Yoda may not look like much on the outside," the commander in chief told a stunned WWE press corps. "But the little guy is one heck of a warrior.
"Anybody with half a brain can see he's the perfect choice."
McMahon noted that he was also impressed with the fact that Yoda is pint-size.
"I'll tower over him at press conferences -- which is important since I'm the WWE CEO," he added.
On the face of it, the 894-year-old Yoda, a member of an undisclosed alien species, would seem like a good replacement for outgoing Head of Security boss Mark Kayfabe.
Like Mark, Yoda doesn't have a neck.
Also, Yoda is a master of The Force and has trained some of the top Jedi knights in the Star Wars galaxy, including Obi-Wan- Kenobi, Mace Windu, Qui-Gon- Jinn, Luke Skywalker and even Darth Vader, who turned evil.
But one administration source tells Whacky Wrestling News that WWE creative members were shocked when McMahon announced his decision.
Vice President Jim Ross reportedly blurted out, "But Yoda doesn't exist!" Still, the CEO refused to budge.
"McMahon shot back, 'So what?,' " says the source. " 'I'm the CEO. If I say we're winning the war in ratings, then we're winning it. If I say TNA and ROH are linked, then they are. If I say we'll find wrestlers of mass talent there, then we will -- eventually. Trust me on that one.' "
Adds the source, "As usual, McMahon refused to change his mind even after learning that Yoda isn't real."
Instead, McMahon told the Creative Team he was especially impressed with Yoda's 500-year track record in "fighting evildoers, like that Garth Vader guy."
He added, "And I'm particularly interested in his ability to sense fluctuations in The Force caused by evil acts. I see that ability to be an asset in predicting when and where our most vile enemies, like Jeff Jarrett, Vince Russo, and Dusty Rhodes, will strike."
Even top wrestling advisor Bruce Pritchard tried to dissuade the CEO, pointing out that Yoda dies in Star Wars: Episode VI -- Return of the Jedi. But the CEO just clamped his hands over his ears and screamed, "Don't tell me what happens! I haven't seen that one yet."
WWE staff member Fit Finley also noted that as an alien, Yoda may face trouble being confirmed by the fans.
"Well, I'm willing to cash in some of my wrestling capital on this one," McMahon said. "But first we'll have to get our friends at INS to give him a quickie green card."
McMahon says one of the first things he expects the new Head of Security to do is revamp the ring barrier system, which is now color-coded.
"He hates orange and red," says the source. "He says they clash with his eyes."
Credit: Whacky Wrestling News
CEO TO NAME YODA HEAD OF SECURITY
McMahon refuses to change his mind even after learning Yoda isn't real
By ALFONSO PITELLI
IN a bombshell revelation that shocked even his closest Sports-Entertainment supporters, WWE CEO Vince McMahon, announced that his new Head of Security would be Yoda, the famed Jedi master from the Star Wars films.
Pro-Wrestling insiders reveal that McMahon got the idea after watching the new Stars Wars DVD set he said Santa gave him for Christmas.
"Yoda may not look like much on the outside," the commander in chief told a stunned WWE press corps. "But the little guy is one heck of a warrior.
"Anybody with half a brain can see he's the perfect choice."
McMahon noted that he was also impressed with the fact that Yoda is pint-size.
"I'll tower over him at press conferences -- which is important since I'm the WWE CEO," he added.
On the face of it, the 894-year-old Yoda, a member of an undisclosed alien species, would seem like a good replacement for outgoing Head of Security boss Mark Kayfabe.
Like Mark, Yoda doesn't have a neck.
Also, Yoda is a master of The Force and has trained some of the top Jedi knights in the Star Wars galaxy, including Obi-Wan- Kenobi, Mace Windu, Qui-Gon- Jinn, Luke Skywalker and even Darth Vader, who turned evil.
But one administration source tells Whacky Wrestling News that WWE creative members were shocked when McMahon announced his decision.
Vice President Jim Ross reportedly blurted out, "But Yoda doesn't exist!" Still, the CEO refused to budge.
"McMahon shot back, 'So what?,' " says the source. " 'I'm the CEO. If I say we're winning the war in ratings, then we're winning it. If I say TNA and ROH are linked, then they are. If I say we'll find wrestlers of mass talent there, then we will -- eventually. Trust me on that one.' "
Adds the source, "As usual, McMahon refused to change his mind even after learning that Yoda isn't real."
Instead, McMahon told the Creative Team he was especially impressed with Yoda's 500-year track record in "fighting evildoers, like that Garth Vader guy."
He added, "And I'm particularly interested in his ability to sense fluctuations in The Force caused by evil acts. I see that ability to be an asset in predicting when and where our most vile enemies, like Jeff Jarrett, Vince Russo, and Dusty Rhodes, will strike."
Even top wrestling advisor Bruce Pritchard tried to dissuade the CEO, pointing out that Yoda dies in Star Wars: Episode VI -- Return of the Jedi. But the CEO just clamped his hands over his ears and screamed, "Don't tell me what happens! I haven't seen that one yet."
WWE staff member Fit Finley also noted that as an alien, Yoda may face trouble being confirmed by the fans.
"Well, I'm willing to cash in some of my wrestling capital on this one," McMahon said. "But first we'll have to get our friends at INS to give him a quickie green card."
McMahon says one of the first things he expects the new Head of Security to do is revamp the ring barrier system, which is now color-coded.
"He hates orange and red," says the source. "He says they clash with his eyes."
Credit: Whacky Wrestling News